Last year I ran my first full marathon, the Chicago Marathon! It was so amazing I couldn’t possibly write a better recap of it than I did immediately after last year but since I am not yet comfortable with telling the world (or rather, all of my close friends and family) all of my secrets I am going to keep that anonymous for now and just say Chicago was epic. I ran beautifully, finished within my time goal (which is not elite by any means, I’m average pace wise when it comes to distance running), didn’t hit “the wall” and had the support of my family and friends.
This time last year I filled out the application for the Chicago lottery to run in the marathon and with much intimidation and fear I submitted it. 6 weeks later: I got in. Today, I entered the lottery again (still contemplating running for charity) and I am so hopeful I will get in again.
Marathon training was brutally hard- especially in Florida- but it made me realize a bunch of things about myself. Here are a few:
1. I really do hate Florida weather- especially summer.
2. Don’t ever run with an iphone that is not in a lifeproof case… (and don’t make that mistake twice… or four times, in my case).
3. You learn a LOT about yourself on a 20 mile training run by yourself.
4. Take September 11th off work and run that morning, the patriotism displayed by other runners on a well known running path is breathtaking and humbling.
5. You know you’ve found your best friend when you can go home and show her your horrible blisters and not have her judge you for it even though she isn’t a runner.
6. Cross training is essential to progress! I also learned I like weight training!
7. I may have an eating disorder (It was after the marathon that I realized I really do have one).
8. (perhaps the most important thing I realized). Marathon training is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I did it. I cried sometimes, I sweat- a LOT. I hated it some days. I pushed myself. I conquered my goals. Sometimes, I failed. But, October 12, 2014 I became a marathon runner and that means, I never gave up.
So today I entered again, praying that I will be honored with the ability to run 26.2 miles around the city of Chicago. A city that means so much to me and a place where I can call home even though I have never actually lived there. I find out April 28th if I get in so I am keeping my fingers crossed.
(Warning: what I post about next may be a Trigger for some)
Despite the perfection of last year, there is one thing I do look back on and wish I could change. See, I stayed with family when I was there and they were great! Love them so much! They made sure I had everything i needed and were so supportive. Here’s the thing though. I purged. I tried so hard to keep myself from doing it too. I ate little meals, I actually ate carbs. My family is so great about making sure they bought foods I liked and can eat (b/c of the GI issues, not the ED) but I couldn’t help it. I purged. I felt so wasteful. So harmful to my own body. So ashamed I was eating. I made it through the marathon (miraculously) but even after the marathon, I only ate a few vegetables, and then I purged those too. I have no clue how I survived.
So this, I guess, is a reminder of that and a way for me to hold myself accountable and let this year be a do-over. Not to replace my amazing experience last year but instead to encourage growth, healing, recovery. This year, Chicago will be just as amazing but this year, I will take care of myself better. It will be hard- especially once they know about this ED- but I’m going to do my best.
Also, to my family- if you read this, thank you. I did eat more than I normally do, you never judged my choices or made me feel bad, I hope this doesn’t change that. I hope you’ll still come out and support me this year. ❤
So with that, bring on Chicago! At least, that’s what I hope to say on April 28!