Confession

One day I’d like to be able to go to the doctor without crying about it for a week because I am so scared of getting on the scale and what I’ll do if it goes up. 

5 thoughts on “Confession

  1. I know exactly how this feels, I am terrified of going to the doctor as well but I find if I just close my eyes while on the scale, or even stand backwards on the scale- it helps a lot, sometimes ignorance is bliss. I stopped weighing myself in attempts to recover and its been bringing me to such a happier, better place. Stay strong !

    Liked by 1 person

    • I had to throw away my scale because one time it went up and let’s just say the self-harm thoughts almost got the best of me that day and I scared myself out of doing anything except flushing the battery in the scale. Can I ask, did you ask the doctor if you could be weighed backward? They don’t know how much anxiety it gives me and I think if the power to see the number was out of my hands I would be able to not worry about that and take some of the power from my ED and also take a lot of anxiety from me (especially b/c I worry about the gain and what i almost convinced myself to do last time that happened). Also thanks for commenting; it always helps me feel less alone in this. I hope your recovery is going well!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hey, no need to thank! I understand that fear of the number going up. I feel terrified and yet know its illogical and that it could be going up for any number of reasons, because weight fluctuates normally. But I found asking my doctor if I could stand backwards was helpful, they didn’t question it and didn’t find it abnormal at all- in fact, there are several patients who choose to do so. And it felt weird asking the first time, but after that it just became what I always did. I really recommend removing the scale because it only gives anxiety, and if it doesn’t give anxiety that’s only because your weight has gone down and that just means you’re getting sicker, really. Eds are very confusing & twisted but you and I both have the ability to fight it 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t at my house bc I am too scared but at the doctor they have to bc it’s not stable right now and of how bad everything is. But I think not knowing or looking is going to be the best for me In that situation too and I am just really glad my doctor is open to accommodating in any way 😊

      Like

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