Insurance Sucks…Sometimes

AND THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE TIMES!!!! (*knock on wood*)

I just found out my insurance will cover my Partial Hospitalization Treatment in full. That’s right IN FRICKIN FULL. 100%.

I am crying. 

Thank you God. I have hope again. 

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MEDICALLY CLEARED for Treatment!!!

This GIF pretty much sums up my feelings: a touch of relief/excitement mixed with sheer horror. One hurdle down and closer to getting into a program. My doctor (or rather, Nurse Practitioner since that is who I see) is the bomb dot com and called me back and said although my labs are consistent with being malnourished and she is concerned that they are still stable and she can clear me! I am both terrified and relieved.

I am going in tomorrow afternoon for another set of follow-up labs to check my potassium and other levels (because they are pretty out of whack) and I can get the letter and paperwork I need too. It’s all getting so real again whereas the last 10 days have had me living in a neutral state where I have been allowed to exist with my ED. Not that I mean anyone supports the ED, but where they are just trying to be supportive toward me while I get everything sorted out and they’ve been trying to encourage me to eat more but haven’t given much push back when I struggle or give into my ED brain. But now, now that I can get medically cleared it’s one step further. Now, I am going to have to talk to the treatment center again, have the case re-reviewed by the medical board, hopefully get this cleared by insurance (that’s my next major hurdle that I am freaking over) and then beginning treatment. But tomorrow, tomorrow is the next step and it feels horrifying, scary and slightly relieving at the same time.

Running Thoughts

The click of the lock, that’s where it begins. The rest of the world is slightly deafened by my headphones as I walk down the three flights of stairs fidgeting with my app and figuring out what playlist I am … Continue reading

One step forward…

I took my closest step toward recovery today. I looked up psychologists/mental health professionals/ED specialists and nutritionists via my health insurance website to get an idea of what I am up against or what I’ll need to do once I decide on help.

(trigger warning) I still only ate 220 calories today and on top of that went to the gym for some HIIT and burned more than 2 1/2 times that but I didn’t purge any of it(clarification: I didn’t vomit any of it, I guess working out could technically be considered purging as well) and I looked at recovery options so I am going to consider that a win.

Thursday I head back to my podiatrist to see if I can get out of this air cast on my foot. I am hoping I can begin marathon training. I know how dangerous that sounds but marathon training and running keeps me motivated to keep trying to eat more. We will see though.