A residential spot opened today. I start Monday.
I am flying 1500 miles away to be treated for my eating disorder at a well respected hospital for EDs.
I am lucky. I am blessed. I am terrified.
But I should be terrified; this is life changing and more importantly life saving.
I was surprised to get a spot so darn quickly. I mean when my psychiatrist estimated he said 2-4 weeks, finding out I can start in a week (which is more likely due to my logistically improbability of getting there sooner rather than availability) is a miracle. Ironically, I also go to a hospital that shares the same name as my dad, who passed away when I was younger. My aunt pointed it out Sunday but I had long realized it, since the beginning of finding the program actually. Now, however, it’s like he is really with me, helping me get through recovery and stick with it long enough to find myself again.
It’s comforting. Whether you believe in angels and God or not, it’s comforting, reassuring and makes me feel like this is possible.
So now I am searching flights, making arrangements and making phone calls tomorrow morning instead of going to work. I need this to be as seamless as possible and in order for me to feel like that I need to finalize plans.
I hear back from the residential facility tomorrow on if Monday is okay (or if they need a few extra days for the insurance, etc.) So, until then I am thinking, praying and semi-excited all while being terrified.
Also, today I tried 3, yes THREE FEAR FOODS!!!! #recoverywin